Skirting the Mundane

For the past few weeks, and the next few, I am holding myself together with both hands. School and work and trying to find time to see Kyle and maintain a basic standard of nutrition and hygiene is about all I can take. It's just not all going to happen, at least not with sanity intact. The past few days I have felt myself getting sadder and angrier almost all the time, from the moment of waking up, and when I get that way I am the only one who can pull myself out of it properly. It's about school and how much I fucking hate it right now, it's about my job and how I don't have time to do it properly even if I love it, it's about all of the inadequacy and paranoia I can usually keep a lid on but maybe not right now.

I need to spend time with acquaintances, not with close friends and not by myself, because if I do either of the latter it will allow me to get caught up in a whirlpool of self-pity. If I am not comfortable breaking down around someone, that is the person I want right now, because it will keep me from doing it.

Deep breaths, self.